Are your friends about as well off as you? Are they more poor or more rich? Does this interfere with your friendship? At this point, I’m about equal with my friends, maybe actually more on the poor side because of my choices, but I can’t help but shake the thought that “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with” Does that mean if I hang out with 5 millionaires all day, I will also become a millionaire? If your friends get significantly richer or significantly poorer than you, will you still be best friends forever?
Whether you agree or disagree, it may be interesting to consider your friends and family in relation to money. Obviously there are a lot of different styles of relationships and we can’t generalize about human interaction and psychology in a blog post, but we can still ponder it and share our experiences.
In a way this reminds me of the housing market. As a Realtor it was common knowledge that if you built a house, you didn’t want to be the most expensive one on the street because it had a negative affect on the value of your home. However if you were on the lower end of the neighborhood it would positively increase your value since there was a tendency to gravitate to the mean. So does the same thing happen with your friends?
Being Friends with Someone Much Richer Than You
They drive a mercedes, have a 10,000 sq ft house, and take vacations to the Carribbean every 2 months. You drive a 6 year old kia, rent an apartment, and take a road trip to the next state over maybe once a year. Could you be friends? I think they made a movie about this… Envy…
The problem I see with this type of relationship is envy, jealousy, and an inability to relate to each other since you have different experiences. Maybe this just cultivates a completely different type of relationship where you’re friends based around a certain activitiy, but when the friend starts talking about the Carribbean… you won’t be able to relate. Friendships are largely based around how other people make you feel, so if your rich friend rubs in that he/she is rich, it’s likely to be a short lived friendship. However if it isn’t brought up much and you participate in activities that are similar without having a feeling that you’re missing out, it probably wouldn’t hurt the friendship.
Being Friends with Someone Much Poorer Than You
If you’re friends with someone much poorer than you who’s struggling, are you a bad friend if you don’t help them out? This might become a burden since your friend can’t do a lot of the things you want to do. Want to go kayaking in Colorado? Not going to happen if your friend is too poor to do it. I suppose it depends more on lifestyle associated with how you use your money more than it does with how much money you have. Kinda like the folks in the millionaire next door who lead simple lives that don’t require a lot of money, but in fact they were very wealthy.
Having poor friends will limit the hobbies and activities you participate in, but doesn’t remove their ability to be there for you and be a true friend. You may however, have to be okay with cooking in with them, maybe footing the bill, and limiting your hobbies.
Jerry’s Ryan’s Final Thoughts
All I know is that friends are usually people we can relate to and who we share experiences and memories with. They’re people who understand us and treat us with respect which then builds trust and a sense of inclusion. The thing I wonder though, is if money becomes so much of a part of who we are that we can no longer relate to people who are much richer or much poorer than ourselves because it directly affects our lifestyle… well at least for most of us.
In turn, maybe we stay in our current situation so we don’t have to suffer the burden of finding new friends based on the social inpact it has of either going up or down the money ladder. Maybe people purposely stay middle class to avoid jealousy and envy from the friendships they have that matter more to them than money. Maybe your bff’s are only people who are in the same financial bracket as you over the years.
What do you think? Do you have any friends who are significantly richer/poorer than you?
If so, does it affect your relationship with them? Does it bug you in any way?
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I tend to agree with this article. It is really hard to maintain a friendship if you don’t have much in common. If you are rich and want to go on mission trips while others in your same income bracket want to vacation to the Carribbean, it is hard to maintain this friendship as well.
Interesting article, thanks for sharing.
In our family, my twin brother and I out of seven siblings have the highest salaries. Unfortunately, my family has a rough time with money and this has always been a challenge for me to see and try to help them with.
One of the main reasons I am networking online so much more nowadays is because there just aren’t many people around me in person that have the same views about life and money that I do. There are a few, but I find it much more rewarding to talk to the folks I am meeting online – particularly in the Yakezie club because they are driven and dedicated people to creating a future of financial freedom.
Jeremy Johnson´s last blog ..A Second Child Is Born, Sienna
First, I have to give a hat tip to Jeremy for the Yakezie!
Here’s the rule, I can’t remember where I heard it so I apologize for not giving credit where credit is due, you are the average of your 5 closest friends. Think about that. That’s how life works. Just as this article says. You don’t become really close friends with people that are richer or poorer than you. Look at your five closest friends, you are them.
As for the real estate example, wouldn’t the incentive then be to build the cheapest house in a wealthy neighborhood? That way you can spend less as a builder and sell it for more because of the neighborhood?
Evolution Of Wealth´s last blog ..Hidden Gem of Life Insurance Policies
Sorry I had to come back…I just wanted the trailer to “Envy”. I’ve never even heard of that movie before, it’s looks pretty funny. I’m going looking for it, Jack Black and Ben Stiller, it can’t be too bad can it? Vapoorize, that’s genius.
Evolution Of Wealth´s last blog ..Hidden Gem of Life Insurance Policies
I have friends all over the income scale. I can talk about frugal tricks with the poor and tax tricks and investments with the rich. The “creative class” have all sorts of incomes depending on whether they spend their time composing music or composing credit default swaps. I do however find it hard to be/keep friends who are not on the same level intellectually speaking regardless of how much they make.
Early Retirement Extreme´s last blog ..Marginal earnings, when working is no longer worth it
I have to say that most of my friends are in the same income bracket as me, as far as I know. However, I have to agree with Early Retirement Extreme, I think friends do need to be on the same intellectual level. There’s nothing I hate more than trivial, shallow conversations about absolutely nothing. Or whining, I can’t stand whiny people….or the woe is me type. Barf!
Little House´s last blog ..Amazing Home Makeovers
Since I suppose I’m “in the middle,” I’ve had friends on both sides of the spectrum. I think as long as you can participate in the friendship on an intellectual level and spend time together doing things that don’t require a lot of money, it can work. But you’re bound to have differing opinions on money and finances.
RainyDaySaver´s last blog ..Don’t Beat Yourself Up Over Spending
I have a fairly similar problem, though not NEARLY to the degree as portrayed in Envy (looks pretty funny by the way). Friends of mine often take amazing vacations, stay at their summer house on the Lake Michigan for a couple of weeks over the summer, go on ski trips, etc. Basically things I cannot really relate to. However, we are still great friends, love sports, hanging out, and still have no problem being great friends.
I personally do not have a problem with envy and jealousy, but maybe that’s because I’ve been friends with the guy since I was in kindergarten. However, I can definitely see how being friends with someone richer than you could create problems such as jealously, envy, it could also cause the poorer friend to make unwise financial decisions (keeping up with the Jones”).
myfinancialobjectives´s last blog ..The Ultimate Motivator: Compounding Interest
The only time income disparity affected me is when it precluded me from joining in on some fun. But it didn’t change the friendship. One buddy has been poorer than me and richer than me twice! It just doesn’t matter.
btw – You rock the Yakezie! <100k and dropping like a stone.
LeanLifeCoach´s last blog ..Combat the Closing Techniques – Fulfill Your Dreams Close
Ryan,
I’m with you on your final thoughts; people are friends because of who they are not because of what they have from a material point of view. Or they are my thoughts anyway.
Thanks for sharing such a great post.
Regards
Paul
Paul´s last blog ..When the time is right!
Tough to say. I always like to try looking a little on the poor side, and giving off that vibe to others. I can always adjust up if necessary, but it’s better to just be the underdog.
Financial Samurai´s last blog ..The Best Financial Advice I’ve Ever Heard From A Comedian
Ryan, i think a friend is anyone who can help you realise the best of you. And for me, most of those i consider as friends are people with whom i share common initiatives. Most of my friends are of the same social and financial class as me. I may have several relationships, yet very few i consider as friends.
Most of my friends have the same social and financial background as i, and i think it’s best that way. A good friend is one who can help bring out the best of me, hence i don’t see my self over-interacting with people of different initiatives. I do have several relatives, yet limited friends. that’s my point of view
innocriss´s last blog ..Changing Careers at Midlife – Becoming a Successful Online Entrepreneur
Ryan,
It is supposed that from the financial standpoint, it would be convenient for you to be the poorest of your network.
From the friendship standpoint, I think that it is not affected by the income.
Considering the attraction law theory, it doesn’t matter if you are the poorest or the richest of your network, you should be happily sharing woth others. By the way, what you share doesn’t have to be money. It is something more important such as love, apreciation, etc.
All the best,
Boris
Boris´s last blog ..Why smart celebrities seem to say “dumb things”
I agree with Extreme
Same level intellectually is what matters to me. You have to keep me stimulated intellectually for me to even be in your company. Income is not always the factor
When I was in school, my father told me to hang out with people who were as smart or smarter than me. That advice resonates to what Jacob said. During school years, the objective was to motivate and improve my marks. It’s true. As soon as I ‘dumbed it down’, my marks took a hit.
This concept applies in our adult life whether you use income or intellectual level as the parameter. Hanging out with people who whine and complain a lot will change you eventually.
Bytta@151 Days Off´s last blog ..Day 23: Is Travelling Worth Your Money?
Intriguing topic, but I have to say that I don’t care so much about a person’s net worth as I do about their interests and spending habits. Out of friends and family, we have net worth higher than probably 70-80% of them. But if you look at our spending habits, someone might consider us to be ‘poor’ based on the way we spend, while, in fact we may actually have a much higher net worth.
I don’t enjoy consumer culture, so I’m less likely to spend time with people that enjoy tourist-like vacations, eating out, watching TV, talking about cars. I know a number of people who live quite simply and have some great insights to give into life–these folks can have a variety of income levels or net worth.
As for intelligence . . . I don’t care. I know a lot of smart, but horrifically misguided and uncultured people (yipes! I’m a snob).
I am sure poor and rich comes into factor, but I think spending habits are equally important! You could be making the same money as your friends, but be in different points in your life!
E.g. you may want to start saving to purchase a house, but your friends still are in the partying stage! So even though you make the same money, you cannot afford the same activities as your friends any longer. If they keep at it, then you would naturally end up seeing them less and less.
The Simple Machine´s last blog ..Free Canadian Tax Software
“You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with” Does that mean if I hang out with 5 millionaires all day, I will also become a millionaire?
I think its about true for me. So does that mean our income/wealth automatically defines the type or group of people we chose to associate with? I think it just might. I would like to get out of that box mentality of mine to expand my relationships with higher net worth people. Just as in blogging… there are a few people in this group who I know extremely exceed my NW (that’s easy to do – LOL) and I have LEARNED A LOT; expanded my way of pf thinking in an excellent way. One day that knowledge is going to make me wealthy.
Money Funk´s last blog ..Book Review & Giveaway: Secrets of a Stingy Scoundrel
What about friends who don’t want help in regard to money? I try to share insights I come across, like those found on this site, and point out ways we could save money but they don’t seem interested! They won’t even use the coupons I hand them! Yet when we get together several of them want to complain about their financial situation!
Funny thing, I’m actually more educated than most of my friends (I have a masters), yet most of them have gone on to start families and “career” jobs. Instead of jumping on the 9-5 bandwagon right out of school I jumped into the entertainment industry, spent a year or two living in basements and did my thing.
I’ve been in and out of 9-5 jobs since then, but always come back to entertainment & self employment. I make pennies to their dollars, but when we all get together they look at me like a rock star, like I’m the guy who is doing what they wish they could have done. It just reaffirms my life decisions.
So my five friends make considerably more money than I do… and not by a little. But, for whatever reason, I’ve got just as much “wealth” as they do, just in a different form.
Great post, man!
Search Engine Viking´s last blog ..The Boise Website Series: Intro
I have friends at both extremes. The very wealthy tend to obsess over losing their money. The very poor obsess over how they’ll pay their bills. Both live in fear. I’m in the middle and love to do things in moderation.
People from all levels tend to be as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Almost all of my friends make more than me, but I am “wealthier” than them because my expenses are generally lower. I have been a victim of feeling jealousy sometimes because of the nice apartments, the ability to splurge and not have it “hurt them” for several paychecks (or even 1 paycheck). But I satisfy myself in knowing that I have a plan for myself: owning property in 2-3 years, saving for retirement like its my job, and living comfortably. That means, not to frugal but not too flashy either.
I don’t think I’m the oddball either. I do feel like a lot of people can be friends across “economic” lines. A lot of your examples had to do with traveling, which is just expensive no matter whose looking at it. But there are other things you can do where you don’t need that kind of money: happy hours, finding nook restaurants, or just going to the park and just chilling.
Investing Newbie´s last blog ..I’m a Bi-Monthly! You?
It’s funny how you don’t think about it, but it rings true in my case. I am the sum of my five closest friends. We all did the same thing – went to college, got a 9-5, got married, have kids…and are all around the same income level.
Now that I want to be, do, and have more, I feel more like the oddball in the group. Where do we find like minded people who are striving towards the same aspirations like financial freedom?
Kristine´s last blog ..Financial Freedom Resources – Tools to Help You Maximize the Assets Around You
I have one friend who makes a ton more money than I do – she doesn’t understand why I don’t want to shop, go out to dinner, etc all the time. It makes it really difficult to relate to her. Espeically when she gets angry that I can’t do something if it is too expensive. It has forced us apart a little bit, some of that could also be growing up and changing.
I have no idea where I heard the saying, but I often repeat it,
Your income and net worth is often in the middle of all your friends
Its so true! and actually a few people have said it above.
Evan´s last blog ..First the Alexa Rankings and Then The World
Really good post! One reason I can relate to people I know at a higher income level is that I know about the civic and community projects they are involved in. Since that’s the context in which I see those people most often, we can talk about the fundraiser or the expo booth or the music festival or the historical re-enactment, etc.
Monroe on a Budget´s last blog ..The financial reality for college dropouts
I agree it’s the attitude of the friends not so much the level of incomes or lifestyles that make them my bffs. If some one lives with an attitude of arrogance they tend to appear less appealing to me than someone who’s attitude is more realistic and happy no matter where their bank account levels are.
I enjoy spending time with friends who are adaptable to their circumstances no matter where they take them. I admire friends who can live life dumpster diving and scraping the bottom of the barrel if they are happy with the blessings they do have. I also admire friends who have made it at very successful levels and still enjoy coming over for a cookout and talking about their families. Those who enjoy where they live and where they’ve been and know the value of both. It’s the attitude, with the attitude often comes a freer lifestyle–not necessarily wealthy.
Looks like MP Dunleavey over at MSN.com touched upon a similar topic. Check it out here. Maybe she read your blog!
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/SavingandDebt/ManageDebt/how-rich-friends-make-you-feel-poor.aspx
Little House´s last blog ..Tuesday Tips
Most of my friends and family are in the same classification financially as I am. Therefore I can’t personally speak about the difficulty of relating to a different class financially, but I can imagine that it has it’s challenges.
It makes sense that a poor and a rich friend both going on vacation together can be challenging from a financial standpoint. When I go on vacation, I like for my focus to be in the moment, relaxation, traveling, and having fun times, not on my finances or the finances of those around me.
This really makes me think and it humbles me because helps me to answer what is the driving force behind my relationships with my bff’s. I think that whether we say it or not, somewhere deep in the back of our minds is that thought of “our best friend or loved one is much richer or poorer than I am… ”
Great post keep up the great work!!
I just stumbled upon your blog and I have to say this is a good post with great comments and insights. I have been mullling over a post about a similar topic — this inspires me to get cracking! Plus it’s inspired me to start wroking on another more personal post.
As for friendships, while money is a factor, I agree that attitude is key. While most of my friends are smart, that is not a defining factor. Sometimes you just click, or you don’t. Plus if someone were to overhear our conversations, we probably wouldn’t seem to be the most intellectual types anyway! Depending on the day, 70% of the conversation could be about shoes and 30% on personal and/or NPR sanctioned topics.
oilandgarlic´s last blog ..Overpriced Food And Priceless Views
My step father and Uncle are self made millionaires. I believe a self made millionaire differs from the born rich folks because they know and remember their family’s poor life. Each of them has succeeded in bringing their families out of poverty. Both were able to retire their parents and support them. They also employed their friends, helping to bring them to a financial level equal to themselves.
It’s not that rich people only associate amongst their class, but they know how to get people into their class. A prime example is when Oprah wrote her friend Gayle a check for 1 million dollars. She wanted Gayle to be a millionaire also, and share in her wealth.
It’s true; we are in life where we are, because of our 5 best friends. It is each or our responsibility to guarantee the success of those around us. Would Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have TV shows today if not for Oprah? (She is the best example of giving).
Give your friends the start they need – We can be rich or poor together!
scottbarrononline´s last blog ..ONE campaign
Actually, I don’t have any friends who are richer than me; instead all of them are poorer than me. It’s not that I seek them out to make myself feel better; I just have more money than most.
It doesn’t really hinder my relationship with them. We usually hang out at my house, and if they can’t afford to eat out, for example, I’ll just pay it for them. Since we have common interests, we’re able to get along, and money doesn’t really come up.
At least for me, it isn’t a problem. I have no way of knowing whether my friends are jealous of me. They probably partly are, but certainly not enough to really impact our friendship.
Because it happens so often, I don’t think of it, and am able to make it work. However, if someone is used to being poorer than everyone else, for example, and than is richer than a friend, it could become a problem, but if the friendship is good enough, it shouldn’t.
I have similar interest with a wealthy person and I truely enjoy spending time with him. However, from time to time, issues will come up in our conversations that show how totally opposite our opinions are. I’m a very stubborn person that does not back down easily. So, I started intentionally staying away from certain “Hot” topics (aka: Politics), but other things seem to keep compounding and causing strife. I am finding myself irratated about smaller issues. I.E.: if I buy a new backpack he has to go out and buy a better back pack & explain to me why his is better (this has happened several times on items ranging from cameras to motorcycles), I recently paved my own driveway (saved a ton of cash) and after a hard winter’s freeze & thaw, he dropped buy to drink some beer and said, “Well, looks like your handy work held up better than you thought it would”… WTH?!?! I never doubted my “handy work”. Anyways, I find him making Freudian slips like this all the time. I was raised very poor and I do not have the big paying job, or the wealthy family to fall back on, like he does. I am very proud to have my home and property paid for before the age of 40, even if it is a shack compared to his spread. I don’t feel like he sees value in that accomplishment. What it come down to is this, while we may have mutual friends, enjoy riding motorcycles, hiking, & running marathons together, our life experiences “as youths” were so different that I am finding it harder & harder to spend time with him.
Am I being too sensitive, or is he just a spoiled little rich kid that needs a playmate?
Hey Ryan,
I’m didn’t see it in your post, but I may have missed it.
Have you ever heard that a person’s income is often the overage of that of their closest 6 friends. Or the 6 people they associate with most?
So, my follow up question to your post is …
Rich Friends, Poor Friends, Do you WANT to be their BFF?
I’d say that as much as I love my poorer friends, I don’t hang around them too much anymore because their poverty mentality drags me down.
I’d also admit that I don’t have any rich friends per say, but I associate with some wealthy individuals who are always great at lending their expertise, tips on budgeting, and any other info I seem to require about success.
Anyway,
Thanks for the post. Very thought provoking
Guy G.´s last blog ..How to Save Money – Tips on Budgeting
I think you naturally gravitate towards people who are roughly the same as you, although it’s better if you can to try to hang around with people you aspire to be like (so if you want to be rich, get some rich friends).
The difference is childhood/college friends. True friends from those eras seem to be immune to the income / money thing (well, so far anyway – I’m in my mid-30s and it makes no difference who is rich or poor or whatever really. But with newer friends, however much it shouldn’t, I think it probably does for some of them and maybe me).
Monevator´s last blog ..Video: John Maynard Keynes versus Friedrich von Hayek
I have some friends that are richer than me. The problem is they have changed over the years, and have become a lot more materialistic. So everything is about designer labels, million dollar mansions etc. I don’t really connect with that sort of talk, I mean it’s great to have the money and the ability to spend it, but if that’s all you talk about…well it wares thin.
On top of that they never seem to be happy, with what they have. Sad really. If I ever had that sort of money, I certainly would enjoy it, but I really hope I wouldn’t talk about it day and night.
Simone´s last blog ..What I learnt from starting an online business that I was not passionate about.
My friends are rich and poor. In my opinion I don’t think having rich or poor friends really matters. What matters is the relationship between each other.
Noah Rainey´s last blog ..25 Ways on How to Make Money Online
Nice post Ryan. For me I like making friends and it doesn’t matter if that friend is rich or poor.
Kharim´s last blog ..5 Common Mistakes New Bloggers Make
I think some of you got it really right! It doesn’t matter how rich or poor your friend is. it doesn’t matter how smart he or she is . It matters if you love each other undertand each other. If you love and care about someone you really wouldn’t care about how smart or poor they might be. It just that you see something special in them
I have one friend with rich family background. But this never a gap for our friendship as we have the same interest which doesn’t involve money such as playing football together and he doesn’t adopt rich kind of lifestyle. We treasure the friendship and we respect each other without any rich or poor label upon us.
Financial Agent´s last blog ..BLR vs BFR Rate Difference
Friends will always be friends, that’s why they are called friends in the first place. In addition friends should accept themselves even if they are poor or rich. Of course, if the friends are in the same ‘ money ‘ classification, then they will get along better, because they are able to do the same things, having the same possibilities. But what about help? Why wouldn’t rich friends help the poor ones?
Ary´s last blog ..Money- Like a cake
I agree with Ary, if your friends are true friends, they will stick by you no matter what. Thinking back to an episode of Friends where half the group wanted to go out to a fancy restaurant and the other half could only afford to buy crackers at said restaurant, they worked things out by making it clear that some people in the group have financial limitations and going out of their spending range makes them feel uncomfortable.
Moneyedup´s last blog ..5 Things You Should Never Say About Money
I don’t have such friends, but still I think that nowadays such a friendship is almost impossible.
My oldest and dearest friend is poverty stricken. When we go anywhere, I pay and I am by no means “well off”. This friend is a joy to be with and I speak with this friend on the phone more frequently than I see him/her. I have another friend who is fabulously wealthy. I have lost contact with this other friend because of his/her wealth. I relate better to the poor friend. He/she is more available to me. “When I was deep in poverty, you taught me how to give…..” BD
For me when you are friends with somebody it doesn’t really matter if he is rich or poor. I’m a poor person now but I have experienced how it is to be rich before my mother died. I have had all sorts of friends due to my life’s ups and downs. You see when I was sort of well-off myself; I had this friend who was richer than me. He drives his own car, has a complete set of musical instruments in his room but he never bragged about his family’s wealth. We were good friends because I listened to him and he listened to me. We still don’t talk about money matters or when our next vacations will be, we simply hang out. I also have a friend poorer than me but she accepts that she is poor and even makes jokes about it. I think the most important thing to remember is not to be envious about your friend’s financial state or brag to your poor friend that you are wealthier than them. You don’t make friends with people because they are wealthy or they are poor. What matters most to me is a friends ability to be there for you when you are down and vice versa.
I definitely have to agree that differences in wealth can strain relationships. During college I was roommates with a friend who would constantly complain about not having money…but while I was working 40 hours a week at near-minimum wage to make rent and buy school supplies her parents would send her $1,000 a month, enough for rent and an extra couple hundred for school supplies. If it was the money issue alone that wouldn’t have been an issue – some people have more, some people have less, but her complaining that she didn’t have money was what got to me. She didn’t even earn the money she got each month, and for her to be out of it meant she must have squandered it remarkably.
If anything it did teach me a lesson – I’m not very uncomfortable around the few friends who make less than me partially because I don’t complain like my friend did. I also hope that my other friends realize how hard I’ve worked to be making the money I make and that it’s not like someone handed it to me…..and what with student loans the money in my pocket at the end of the week is still near minimum wage
To me it does matter because if im to get to where i want to be…. then i must surround myself with fri ends that are already in the direction i want to be. Don’t get me wrong…. i love my poor friends, but i have learned that it is very important to watch my exposure with them.
You are what you eat…. in other words what im exposed to the most will reflect on my actions, mindset, etc…
Thanks for sharing in this post my friend
Todd Dowell
First off, I just want to apologize, as this comment is quite lengthy….
I grew up in a family that wasn’t necessarily poor, but unbalanced in a way. We had a big house, took frequent vacations, had a pool… but these things came at the expense of things like plentiful quality food, good clothing (we often shopped at Good Will), and working vehicles (we always were buying crappy used cars that constantly broke down). So it was kind of like… as long as our house was big and looked good, and we were able to “afford” yearly vacations… we probably had the appearance of being better off than we really were. The truth was my parents were always struggling with debt and fighting over money. Looking back, I would have gladly given up a lot of things in exchange for working cars and food and parents who weren’t always on the verge of divorce.
That being said, today I am grown and married and we own a house, both my husband and I having college degrees… it took a lot of college loans for me to get through.. my parents didn’t have a penny for college. My husband and I both worked after college, and my husband has moved through a number of different jobs. Currently, he works at a great job, so great in fact, that he keeps moving up the ladder and making more. Two years ago, it was enough that there was really no point in me working, and me, having always been attracted to the traditional wife stuff, was more than happy about this.. feeling that my dream of being a caretaker somehow had come true… despite my belief in college, and what I was told, insisting that the days of being a housewife were over… and that I had better accept the fact that women should work full time.
I have found however, that having money also has its challenges. Having grown up living paycheck to paycheck, and using credit cards, to, as my mother once said… “pay for things you can’t afford right now, but don’t mind paying for slowly over time,” – having enough money to cover everything and still having some left over is a very odd feeling for me.
It does affect family and friendships and I find we are constantly trying to “hide” how much we make. My father always told me growing up that “rich people were bad people, greedy, and didn’t know the value of hard work.” I wonder if he would say the same thing about me if he knew our finances now. We want to maintain our old friendships, but sometimes it becomes clear that our friends and family are uncomfortable. We buy new cars now, which seems to bother some of our friends and family.. who have made comments to us about not having bought used. Even though it is unsaid, it seems clear that the area and type of house we are planning on moving to is making our friends and family uncomfortable. Some of the comments have been less than positive. One comment being, “why would you want to move there… snobby people live there.
So I think it is hard. Even politics and the media have a lot of fun with wealthy people… often painting people with money in a negative light. I think this sometimes bleeds over onto my friends and family. I don’t know how they would feel about us if they really knew how much we made. Would they realize that not all wealthy people are bad, greedy, lazy? Or would they just assume the same about us, too, even though they’ve seen us struggle to get to the point we are at now? It seems like friends and family love to see you struggle to make it to the top, and offer endless encouragement to get there… but it almost seems as if they weren’t prepared for you to really make it, and were much more comfortable with the thought of you constantly struggling rather than finally being successful. Sometimes it’s almost like a survivors’ guilt. Sometimes I feel guilty, even though I know we only got here through struggle, sacrifice, and hard work.
I come from a wealthy family. there is no way to hide or deny it. My parents did extremely well in the mid to late 90′s and early in this decade to where they didn’t have to work anymore and neither did their kids or grandkids.
Not to say that we don’t work, I have a masters from Harvard and spend my time busy, but it involves charity work and other non paid volunteer type activities or reviewing investments.
I have many friends and none of them are rich. I admit there are times when I hold my tongue about where I was on vacation, what I drive or things like that because I know people won’t be able to share in the experiences. I try to be cognizant of that fact.
A big issue for me is when it comes to vacations. I love to travel but none of my friends can afford to go or find the time. I usually help out my friends by covering the hotels rooms and maybe will transfer them some frequent flyer miles to help with the flight. I admit alot of this is just because I don’t want to travel alone.
Meeting new friends is the trickiest part. I try not to bring people over to my house when I first meet them because it can be a little much. It can feel like the Eddie Murphy character on Coming to America where I am trying to downplay it a little. I have seen the reaction and how people’s attitude can change when they think you are just like them to thinking you are some multi-millioniare. I tried living more plainly but I don’t think I should change my comfort level to acquiesce to those around me.
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